on my own time

I've never been one to follow standard timelines easily. I feel like I am always either ahead or behind everyone else. I was a week late, I always (still do) oversleep, It took me forever to learn to tie my shoes, It took me five years to get my full drivers license, I took three years off between high school and college, ( sound like a real sharp tack, don't I?) on the other hand I learned to walk before crawling, read at an early age, did my own laundry by the time I was 7. Sometimes I get caught up with comparing my self with other peoples milestones, most of my friends of similar ages are getting married, buying houses and having babies all of which does not appear to be in my immediate future.

While I was thinking about all this I suddenly realized that I always thought of those big three milestones being associated with being thin. One day when I get thin I will be attractive and find the man of my dreams, then we will get married and have kids and my life will be perfect. So I have been waiting all this time to live my life when I get thin. Well that hasn't happened yet, and sure I am working towards being a healthy weight (thin is not really what I am aiming for) but my life will not be perfect, no ones life is. I could have these things even if I stayed the same weight I am today.

The main idea here is to stop comparing my progress in life and in weight loss with others. Well I find great inspiration in reading others weight loss journeys I need to stop comparing my progress. It is my life and I will live it on my own timeline, and it is my weight loss journey and I will lose weight when I lose it. And I may not be ready for the whole love, marriage, kids yet , I figure when I am ready for these things to happen, they will happen, on my own time. It doesn't mean that I am less successful, or am somehow less of a person. And that is what I need to realize, and I am starting to do that, finally. I will be much happier for it.

Swimsuit Sunday Blog Challange at swimming it off

Here I am in my swimsuit, not only do I appear in public in it, on the internet now too! And I am in good company with all the other swimmers accepting Stacia's challenge. If you click on the blog title, it will Link to swimming it off.

One Year

I have been on track for just a little over a year now.

and in that year

I wrote 112 blog entries

I received 22 comments from 2 people Thanks guys!

I have read countless other blogs for inspiration

Dropped one size

I lost 60 lbs

I began to believe in myself

Thursday recap

Well I stayed on track today, I ate around 1700 cals, drank a ton of water (2.5 L) and it the pool for 40 mins. I did notice today that because I had not been swimming as frequently as I have been spending more time at the gym I was having a tough go, I seemed to need more breaks and I wasn't as fast. Also I think I had a muscle in the thigh above my knee cramp up, it felt like a hard lump and was painful, the muscle has relaxed now thankfully. So I am continuing to follow the path I have set out and hopefully I will get a number reward next week. I am hoping to drop 3 lbs.

Despite my best behavior

I had an awesome week. I tracked my food every day, remained in calorie range and I hit the gym three times and took a long walk/hike as well. I drank water like it was going out of style. I felt positive, looking towards my goal I could do this, I can do this. However my mind is like training a puppy, you need to reward the good behavior if you want them to keep doing something, and the scale did not reward me this week! I so badly want to be under 300! when I walk into the kitchen I say to myself "under 300" when I am on the elliptical "under 300", when I am just doing nothing my mind is thinking "under 300, under 300, under 300" and the number on the scale dared to move up! I was a good girl this week, on my best behavior and I want my reward!

But never fear, I will not let this get me down. The good behavior will continue, and next week the scale shall reward me or it is going out Jack sh*t style. Hear that scale?

Back up to 320

The out of sight out of mind principal

Well that sounds like a completely easy concept, why didn't I do that before? *smacks self on forehead* Yep, this one doesn't really need to be explained, I took all the boxes of cereal, bread, rice cakes etc off the top of the fridge and counter top and put them in a cupboard! Out of sight. Amazingly the effect was that when I walked into the kitchen I didn't randomly put my hand in a box of cereal and mindlessly eat 120 calories.

I didn't even do this deliberately, I was just tidying up and though it looked too crowded so i put the stuff in the cupboard. It wasn't until a few days later when I opened that cupboard to look for something I was like "hey, I forgot about you guys!" So now I am going to try the reverse concept: in sight, in mind. So all the veggies have been cut up and are now occupying a shelf in the fridge (not in the crisper, that's where they will become sad shadows of their former selves, like child stars) that I see first thing when I open the fridge. Sometimes the most simple concepts are the ones that take you awhile to grasp.

Weekly recap

Because today was a holiday and I didn't have to work I keep thinking it is Sunday, which is really confusing me. The last week I feel I may have turned a corner, I feel like the light switch is back on.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday- ate fairly well but definitely needs improvement. relied to heavily on some food crutches, ie: peanut butter and rice cakes. Weighed in and down a pound.

Thursday- back on track food wise, but I need to stop buying rice cakes. oh and marshmallow bananas I love those candies so yummy yet so evil.

Friday- day off of work, had lunch out with my mom, though I was afraid of eating out, I didn't do too badly and still came within my calorie range for the day. Hit the gym and the pool.

Saturday- work but went for a nice walk in the evening.

Sunday - Hit the gym and had a great workout. Attended a virtual wedding party. We all hung out at a pub and watched a friend get married live over a webcam. I did eat out again but still maintained my calorie range. I wore one of my new shirts, and I felt pretty good, thought I looked okay until my friend posted the photos on face book, but I may be over critical of myself.

Monday- Happy Victoria day. Went on my first long walk with my dog, just over an hour and managed to make it home just in time before the rain hit. The trail was still a bit too soggy so during that part I ended up walking off trail a bit and along fallen trees. I really need to work on my balance, I was convinced I was going to fall and break something, or at least have to walk all the way home covered in mud. Thankfully neither occurred. Came way under calorie range today, weird it doesn't feel like I ate any less.

I started tracking everything again and it really has helped me feel more in control, but I am feeling that way in my non weight loss life. Circumstances at work have changed where a very stressful element has been removed, making my daily life better. Oh and water, I have jumped back on the water bandwagon.

60 lbs down Pics

372 lbs Feb 2009 319 lbs May 2011
(Highest weight 379 May 2010) 60 lbs gone

Down to 319..... 60 lbs down

I lost 4 lbs this week finally I feel like I am getting back on track. I hit the 319 mark a few weeks ago but gained the next week, so I didn't really feel that I had hit the 60 lbs down mark. But right now I can't wait to lose the next 20 lbs and be 299. 19 measly little pounds stand between me and the 200's, I just have to get my head in the game, and keep on track.

Because I deserve it

I have been treating myself and spending money left, right and centre the last week and a half. I am not used to it. I am so used to scrimping and saving that it feels almost wrong to spend money for stuff on myself. I never have a problem spending the same amount of money on a gift for someone else, but for many reasons I never feel like I deserve to treat myself, that the money could have better uses, that I should go without. But this week that flew out the window, on a whim I went out and had my hair cut, taking off about 7 inches in length (I hadn't had my hair cut in a year), then I hit the sale and Penningtons (North of the borders version of Lane Bryant) and bought myself a summer wardrobe (since mine was sadly lacking) and a new pair of yoga pants, then I had a manicure/pedicure when I took mum out for mothers day. And guess what, I feel good. I felt good to chop off 7 inches of dead hair and have a lighter cut for summer, it felt good to go clothes shopping and get clothing in a size smaller then I did last year, and it felt good to have my nails done, and they have looked pretty all week. I deserved it.

It feels good to feel good, it lightened my whole mood, and outlook. I am feeling positive again and optimistic about my goals.

the cold is over!

5 weeks in total I got to suffer with that cold, It finally got so bad I actually thought of going to the Doctor, of course I couldn't be seen, but here try some cough syrup. P.S. it sounds like you have a viral cough, that could last 90 days, you don't need antibiotics.

Never mind the red, inflamed, throat. I finally decided to go to a walk in clinic to a Doc who would prescribe me antibiotics which my cough responded to and my throat pretty much cleared up.

At this point I still cough occasionally, I think it is more like my lungs trying to exercise, so happy they can do their job and exchange Oxygen for Carbon dioxide. And my energy is coming back. I have started to exercise again, and I am back to logging my food. The weather is becoming nice again and I am looking forward to a lot of outdoor exercise this summer. Hiking is definitely on the agenda.

Well I just wanted to pop on here and let it be known to the internet that the cold didn't kill me, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.