Sometimes I think to myself (usually after watching the Biggest Loser) That I am not doing enough to reach my goals. I mean I am losing 1 to 2 lbs per week which is pretty darn good, but I could be doing more. Working harder, eating less, losing more. I swim about three times a week and walk for half an hour or longer twice a week, so there is five days where I have some physical activity outside of breathing! I don't know if I am ready for more. I am not financial able to join a gym at this time. I also work long days, I know excuses excuses. I think a point will come where I will have to start doing more to continue losing, but I am not there yet.
Other things holding me back are of course plain old embarrassment (considering I appear in public in a bathing suit on a regular basis that is a laugh) but there is something about exercising where others can see you that makes you completely paranoid that they are thinking all sorts of fat jokes in there minds, or heck taking a photo of you to post on their "fat people exercising" website that gets 50 000 hits a day. Yes this sounds completely bonkers but I am sure it probably exists somewhere out there in cyber space, after I found people of walmart website, I now never go into that store without a checking out my appearance, their favorite post is of overweight people poorly dressed out shopping.
Anyways back to the subject, this all probably steaming from all those feelings of failure etc, that somehow I am not good enough to deserve to lose weight, that I won't make it happen, yada yada yada..... so even though I sometimes feel like I am not doing enough I really don't want it to take over my life. I want eating and physical activity to be part of my life, not be my life.
So when these thoughts enter my head, yes I can probably always increase my effort, but I am going in the right direction, and unless I want to quit my job, not see my friends and family for months, check into a ranch where I have personal trainers and my entire daily purpose is to exercise then well I guess I am doing all right for myself.
Other things holding me back are of course plain old embarrassment (considering I appear in public in a bathing suit on a regular basis that is a laugh) but there is something about exercising where others can see you that makes you completely paranoid that they are thinking all sorts of fat jokes in there minds, or heck taking a photo of you to post on their "fat people exercising" website that gets 50 000 hits a day. Yes this sounds completely bonkers but I am sure it probably exists somewhere out there in cyber space, after I found people of walmart website, I now never go into that store without a checking out my appearance, their favorite post is of overweight people poorly dressed out shopping.
Anyways back to the subject, this all probably steaming from all those feelings of failure etc, that somehow I am not good enough to deserve to lose weight, that I won't make it happen, yada yada yada..... so even though I sometimes feel like I am not doing enough I really don't want it to take over my life. I want eating and physical activity to be part of my life, not be my life.
So when these thoughts enter my head, yes I can probably always increase my effort, but I am going in the right direction, and unless I want to quit my job, not see my friends and family for months, check into a ranch where I have personal trainers and my entire daily purpose is to exercise then well I guess I am doing all right for myself.
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