very very very bad eating day

Well it all started off on the wrong food with breakfast, I didn't know what I wanted, and I didn't feel like cooking anything so I lingered in the kitchen and started popping anything in reach in my mouth. And this continued on all day. But nothing was satisfying me, I just wasn't eating what I wanted, but i didn't know what I wanted. ugggh! I think there are a few reasons why I had a bad eating day, I ended up working overtime saturday which just added to the overtime I racked up this week so I was exhausted today, I didn't even hit the gym or make any effort to preform anything but the most necessary functions. Also there was some emotional eating component involved.

But on a positive note, I could have just ignored my less then stellar behavior and skip tracking but instead I tracked it all, not until the end of the day (maybe if I had done it sooner I would have stopped, but I doubt it!) and the total wasn't pretty, but at least it was honest.

Tomorrow is a new day, I cannot erase the calories I consumed today, but I can control the ones tomorrow. One off day is not a disaster. Oh and I will be leaving work on time and get my butt to the gym tomorrow night.

Silence

I have been pretty quiet on here for the last few weeks, I just haven't had anything to share. Or at least I thought I didn't have anything to share. No new goals have been met, I have been continuing to struggle to get out of the 320's, I have been up and down, up and down the same 5 lbs for 5 weeks now. And somehow instead of realizing that I have some stuff that needs to be addressed and worked out, and have been just shrugging my shoulders thinking, "now why is the weight just not coming off?" Gosh I wonder why.

I haven't logged my food for 5 weeks now.
I have been shoveling food in my mouth randomly like it is going out of style.
Peanut butter while very delicious is not calorie free (sadly)


And there is just some of my many sins.

Some of it is emotional eating, I have been very stressed at work the last 6 weeks or so (some could argue the last 6 months). And then rather suddenly out of the blue some feelings regarding an issue in my life came out to bite me in the butt, stuff I thought I had finally let go (guess again!!!). So emotionally I have been a bit ragged.

Then there is the fatigue of weight loss, you put all this time, energy, thought and effort in for months at a time and suddenly you are just so tired of it all, even though you are starting to see results.

I am also realizing that I get to this point every time, I lose 50 lbs and then I start to put it back on again, and I am really really trying hard not to let that happen. I have come so far.......but there is still so far to go.

But instead of facing all of this and maybe trying to work it out by writing, I have been silent. And for me that is never good.

Back down to 323 56 lbs down.

Slippin

I have definitely been feeling that I have been slipping lately, from stopping tracking food, to skipping an opportunity to walk or swim here or there, and then eating out. All little things individually but when viewed together a very dangerous pattern of behavior, one I know oh so well. Dropping and putting on the same 5 lbs without any real progress. But at the same time, not gaining overall. What gets me is that I a performing the same repertoire every time I try to lose weight and we all know how it ends, the scales numbers back up where they started. So what can I do differently. Well for starters get my ass back tracking food. then actually start planing meals. Then I need to increase my activity level. All sounds pretty easy right. Yeah well we will just see about that. The only thing stopping me is.....well me.

Back down to 358

I feel like I am crawling at a snail's pace, is this a good thing? Previously I used to be able to drop 10 lbs a month easily especially at the beginning, but of course never kept it off, and so far this 21 lbs has taken me 76 days or 10 weeks to do.

I definitely had some indulgences this week, some pop corn at the movies (though not as much as I would usually have) and ice cream tonight, but I still lost 2 lbs.

I am feeling a bit lost and am worried that I am just continuing with my usual cycle where I do well for a while, then I start to founder, and then fail. I really need to keep on track, and keep commited to be healthier, to know that the benifits are so worth it.

Living one day at a time

It is all I can really do right now. I can't allow myself to think to next week or next month or next year. I can only focus on the present. I can really only focus on surviving THIS MOMENT, THIS DAY. I am just focusing on remaining in my calorie range, and getting what exercise I can in. And hopefully with enough of these good days all racked up together I will accomplish my overall goal. I guess it is also true that if I screw up one day tomorrow is always a new day. I have quit so many times before because I screwed up after 5 days, 15 days, 3 weeks and I felt bad or guilty or that I failed. So I just let the bad days pile up on one another until there didn't seem to be a point to trying to eat healthier. A self fulfilling prophecy of failure. So I think that if I can rack all my "One Days" to equal 9 weeks, then I might be able to handle a bad day now and again. I need to succeed for awhile.

P.S. This is why I am posting all these annoying little Day 1 posts to keep myself honest.