Out sick

I am so sick right now with a cold, I am coughing every 2 minutes and am so tired since I can't sleep more then 2 hours at a time every night. I can't wait to be healthy I am so sick of cough candy and cough medicine. ugg I hate being this sick.

The pool

I live right behind a recreation centre. Talk about convenience! I can out the back door and be there in three minutes flat, also convenient is the fact that there is an adult swim or a lanes swim almost every night and on Saturday. So that gives me lots of opportunity to gets some exercise in.

I am not a fan of going to the public swims because of all the kids, and their comments, as innocent or not so innocent as they may be. At least adults keep their observations to themselves (at least most of them). I have gone to the daytime swim on my days off, but since the rec centre is attached to a middle school, the students are sharing the change room. They usually glance over in horror and the old ladies and us fat ones. The last time I went during the day one of the girls let it slip "oh my god! look how fat she is" and one of her friends shushed her. I was tempted to say " This is your future..." But I wouldn't want to be responsible for anyone developing anorexia and remained adult pretending not to hear.

I mean I consider it pretty amazing that I appear in a bathing suit in public! I figure people are too busy trying not to drown to be looking at me. And I am too busy making sure nothing is floating out of my suit.

Weight update

Well it was a good thing I lost 8 lbs last week, cause I gained 2 this week. Oh well, it is an uphill battle.

Me, My Fat and I

372 lbs 02/01/09

I shall also label these my F.A.T. Photos (Freakin' Awsome Two dimensional representations of myself) Okay I have to try to be humerous, lol! I hope these can act in two ways, one day to document just how far I will have come/gone and two maybe as a reality check, since sometimes it is possible to delude oneself into thinking that your not as overweight as you really are. Sure the camera may add 10 lbs, but it can't add 100! (or more).

I have more angles, I was hoping to copy the 360 views that you can find on the weight loss blog pasta queen http://pastaqueen.com/halfofme/about.html but I don't have the computer programs or the know how at this time.

Gone Swimmin'

I just got back from swimming and am exhausted. I only did 30 minutes in the slow lane and am completely wiped. I have to say I have a lot of funny observations of the pool but am to tired at this point. I just wanted to announce I got off the couch and got moving.

First weigh in

Well the first weekly weigh in of the new campaign, and despite the chocolate cake.....

363 (-8.5)

I am pretty happy about it to say the least, but it is like the first week on the biggest loser, you throw big numbers then it gets harder.

Two birthdays and a Funeral

It would have been so much more appropriate If I could have done four weddings and funeral, but hey Hugh Grant will surely forgive me.

That was basically my first week on the weight loss "job". The birthdays were of co-workers, which of course meant the obligatory cake time. As I work at a very small office EVERYTHING gets noticed. The first was a blueberry pie, which I am not really a fan off so I begged off eating it, though the pressure to do so was pretty big as well as the teasing as why i didn't do so pretty intense (one day I will explain), The second I had a very small piece and only ate about 5 bites because it was so rich and heavy, so no one commented when most of it went in the garbage.

The funeral was a surprise (as almost all funerals are) but I managed pretty well, It was so crowded and since we were only acquaintances, we payed our respects and skipped on the food.
During one of the eulogies that was given about the deceased one part stuck with me

"Miss me but do not mourn for me for I have lived a full life, I have traveled many places, had great experiences, and have no regrets"

I think that is something to strive for, to live a rich and full life. I am working on it.

Current weight

Here is the funny thing, I went to weigh myself and couldn't find my scale. Talk about self sabotage! Or it will teach me to stop reorganizing every time I clean. Anyways I finally found it and got weighed.

I weighed 371.5 lbs. So I didn't backslide all the way to pre Christmas.

I'm Back

I have to say I tried to stay strong in December, but my resolve to stay away from the excess calories weakened by December 15th. I had all the regular stresses that occur in December mostly related to Christmas; family gatherings, lack of time, shopping etc. The worst had to have been all the sweets at my workplace, I work in a industry where you get a lot of Christmas cheer from clients. I mean our kitchen/office counters were just COVERED with every sweet you could imagine. I have a picture somewhere, but I would almost rather not be reminded about it all. After all that indulging I lost all the ground I had made in November. How easily it comes back on. But seriously what was I thinking starting a diet in November?? It is only the worst possible time of year for me.

So you ask why didn't I just shake off the holidays and jump back in the saddle on January 1st? Well number one is I don't make New Years Resolutions. They just make you feel worse when you can't live up to them. Number Two, I just don't darn well do anything until I am good and ready. And I wasn't ready yet. I inherited a lot of stubborn genes right along with those obesity ones.

The good news, I am ready now. No more dilly dalling it is time to get to work. So what, that I've had more then a few false starts?? It is a good time for me to start the journey all over again. I only have one event in feburary that will be a challenge to my will power, and then I am clear till April, and all those events I am fairly confident I can control the menu. Then there are no major holidays until thanksgiving in October and by then I will have made some head way and hopefully developed so good habits to assist me.

Also I wanted to say thanks for the comments on the last entry, I guess I am glad I was missed. I did at one point think about just deleting this blog, but I thought to myself, it is all part of my story, my journey, it would be dishonest to delete it.