Slippin

While I have been throwing up my hands in the air and saying "why, am I not losing" when I darn well know why I am not losing weight.It's Me. I haven't been logging my food all, I have been treating rice cakes and peanut butter as a meal and then a snack, and then a meal again. And cookies have slipped back from a sometimes food to a daily deal (sorry cookie monster but when I was a kid that was not your slogan!), my water consumption has gone way down, to pretty much just when I am at the gym. I have been hitting the gym but swimming sessions have been missed as I lost motivation to go in direct relation to the cold weather. And my blogging has gone way down even though I really should be doing blog therapy through this tough time.

So what in the world has gotten in to me?

I mean I want to lose weight, desperately. So whyhave I let myself slip, and lost some effort and commitment. I think that this is a very very complicated answer.

I probably did hit a plateau, but instead of busting through it, or doubling my effort I started slacking, first it wasn't logging my food one day, then the next and then a whole week. And then suddenly I started eating like it was going out of style. I mean I started looking for something else to eat before I had finished what I was chewing. And I kept rationalizing it, however I could.

I also think there is a deeper reason, I think I am afraid. I want to be under 300 lbs, but I don't think I have been under that weight for about 10 years. I have come close and each time I come close I begin to put the weight back on, I think I may be afraid and self sabotaging.

I know Obesity, I have always been obese/overweight, my family is all overweight/obese, I guess as much as I want to change I have this wall of safety of what I know that I am trying to break through.

I am up 3 lbs this week, up to 325. I will not make by under 300 by my birthday (which is next week). But I will do it.


I know what I have to do, I just need to do it.

Pain

For as long as I can remember my mom has always been in pain. She was told many years ago that she would be in a wheel chair with in a few years. She was told to stop working. She was told she would be dead. But since she doesn't like being told what to do she hasn't died, she isn't in a wheel chair and she works 12 hours a day.

As you can surley guess my mom is morbidly obese too. She has done great over the years she is down from over 400 lbs to around 250 lbs it has taken her 30 years but I am proud of her, She still has a long way to go. But still she is in pain every single day. She has arthritis all over her body, complicated from years of having to much weight on her joints.

When I was a kid, I was used to dealing with her pain, I didn't understand it, and sometimes when I had to go do the laundry cause she couldn't do the stairs that day, or always bring in the groceries cause she couldn't carry anything, or when we had to stop and sit on a bench in the mall because she couldn't stand any longer, I would roll my eyes and think " it can't be that bad just get up and do it!". I was a good kid but not perfect. I didn't always like being a little adult.

I have been overweight since the age of 4, and obese since I was 13 and morbidly obese since I was 20 I have been carrying all that extra weight on my joints. My knees hurt especially when I am up and down off the floor all day long, and my right hip is starting to ache pretty regularly now. I am not to the point where I am taking pain killers yet, I am just dealing with it. But it has given me a small glimpse of what She has delt with every day and how it hasn't kept her down. It makes me admire her even more.

Just one more reason to shed the extra weight. I am my mothers daughter, and I have seen what the future holds, I just don't wan't to spend it in pain.

The best exercise equipment in the world

And it looks like this....






Meet the best Dog in the world, and I don't say that lightly. This little guy with the big attitude has been a joy in the family for just over seven years. I call him the best exercise equipment for quiet a few reasons:

1) He needs to go out a few times a day, and even though he sleeps most of the day and really doesn't demand or need long walks like other breeds, he Loves them when we go on a big walk.

2) You never feel weird out walking when you have a dog, everyone looks at the dog, not at the big person walking him (or at least that is what I like to think)

3) He isn't judgmental If your going too slow well then there is just more time to sniff and mark trees! He never thinks, " God if you did a bit more walking maybe you wouldn't be so fat"

4) At the same time he gives you motivation, he want's to know "What's over the next hill? Whats around the bend?" His excitement and joy for the walk never ends. (Unless it is raining, he really really hates getting wet)

5) he doesn't get put away to gather dust under a bed or in a closet, he isn't a fad or a phase in your exercise regime (well at least not for me!)

Anyways I love my dog, my companion, and I finally got to showcase him on here a bit, I am sure he will make many appearances in the future.