Weekly recap

Because today was a holiday and I didn't have to work I keep thinking it is Sunday, which is really confusing me. The last week I feel I may have turned a corner, I feel like the light switch is back on.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday- ate fairly well but definitely needs improvement. relied to heavily on some food crutches, ie: peanut butter and rice cakes. Weighed in and down a pound.

Thursday- back on track food wise, but I need to stop buying rice cakes. oh and marshmallow bananas I love those candies so yummy yet so evil.

Friday- day off of work, had lunch out with my mom, though I was afraid of eating out, I didn't do too badly and still came within my calorie range for the day. Hit the gym and the pool.

Saturday- work but went for a nice walk in the evening.

Sunday - Hit the gym and had a great workout. Attended a virtual wedding party. We all hung out at a pub and watched a friend get married live over a webcam. I did eat out again but still maintained my calorie range. I wore one of my new shirts, and I felt pretty good, thought I looked okay until my friend posted the photos on face book, but I may be over critical of myself.

Monday- Happy Victoria day. Went on my first long walk with my dog, just over an hour and managed to make it home just in time before the rain hit. The trail was still a bit too soggy so during that part I ended up walking off trail a bit and along fallen trees. I really need to work on my balance, I was convinced I was going to fall and break something, or at least have to walk all the way home covered in mud. Thankfully neither occurred. Came way under calorie range today, weird it doesn't feel like I ate any less.

I started tracking everything again and it really has helped me feel more in control, but I am feeling that way in my non weight loss life. Circumstances at work have changed where a very stressful element has been removed, making my daily life better. Oh and water, I have jumped back on the water bandwagon.

Slippin

While I have been throwing up my hands in the air and saying "why, am I not losing" when I darn well know why I am not losing weight.It's Me. I haven't been logging my food all, I have been treating rice cakes and peanut butter as a meal and then a snack, and then a meal again. And cookies have slipped back from a sometimes food to a daily deal (sorry cookie monster but when I was a kid that was not your slogan!), my water consumption has gone way down, to pretty much just when I am at the gym. I have been hitting the gym but swimming sessions have been missed as I lost motivation to go in direct relation to the cold weather. And my blogging has gone way down even though I really should be doing blog therapy through this tough time.

So what in the world has gotten in to me?

I mean I want to lose weight, desperately. So whyhave I let myself slip, and lost some effort and commitment. I think that this is a very very complicated answer.

I probably did hit a plateau, but instead of busting through it, or doubling my effort I started slacking, first it wasn't logging my food one day, then the next and then a whole week. And then suddenly I started eating like it was going out of style. I mean I started looking for something else to eat before I had finished what I was chewing. And I kept rationalizing it, however I could.

I also think there is a deeper reason, I think I am afraid. I want to be under 300 lbs, but I don't think I have been under that weight for about 10 years. I have come close and each time I come close I begin to put the weight back on, I think I may be afraid and self sabotaging.

I know Obesity, I have always been obese/overweight, my family is all overweight/obese, I guess as much as I want to change I have this wall of safety of what I know that I am trying to break through.

I am up 3 lbs this week, up to 325. I will not make by under 300 by my birthday (which is next week). But I will do it.


I know what I have to do, I just need to do it.

Job Stress

I love my career. I am just not that big of a fan of my job right now. Every day has been one big stress fest after another, some minor crisis, a staffing issue, complaint, broken equipment, and somehow it seems that i am heaped with the responsibility of fixing it but not because I am management ( I'm not!) but because of staff turnover after only a few years I am one of the senior employees. There are some really good points about my job that I like: I get along really great with my supervisor and (most) of the co-workers on my shift, I have a pretty great schedule (though 10 hour days are pretty tiring), and I am given the opportunity to try a lot of things I might not get to do at another place. I just don't know how to fix the situation. In this economy I am not just going to get rid of a job! But I find that I spend a large part of the day feeling very negative overall, and I don't like that I am becoming very cynical and negative person. I'm sure that it can't be helping my weight loss. Life is stress, so I feel like I should just deal with it but I just would like some more control at my job and they maybe I could get more control in other aspects of my life.