Writting in batches

I find that I tend to write posts in batches, instead of sitting down and regularly writting something say once a day I tend to sit down and write 3 or 4 posts on what ever I am thinking and just schedule them for later, or just let them sit in the drafts section until I feel like I am ready to post. Which is kind of funny since I might write about feeling some way but might feel totally different once it gets posted. I have about 10 sitting as drafts because I either started something but it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, I had a thought to jot down and I will go back and finish it later, or it just turned out too personal and I am just not ready to share it yet.

The whole point of a blog is to share your experience with others, get some feedback, some support maybe work out some issues. But it would seem that by posting about something that happened a week ago I should not be getting the benifit. But actually I am, because just the act of writting my problems down help me feel better about them. I have always been like that. I am an avid journaler (is that a word?) I have been writting in personal journal (offline in an actual book! how retro is that) since I was 10. (I actually lost my first journal in a move many years ago, do you know how much I wish I could have that back! To see what 10 year old me was thinking?) and I can't explain how much that has helped me over the years, plus it is a real hoot sometimes to read it 5 or 10 years later. My handwritting is rather hard for even me to decipher and it wasn't any better then.

Weight loss, the desire to lose, the hurt feelings, the lack of self esteem or some aspect of that problem is probably included in every entry in my journals, it is such a big part of my life but I have noticed that the more entries I write on this blog, the more successful I am at losing weight. That hasn't always happened when I write in a journal.

I walk a lonely road

Sometimes I feel very lonely. I don't mind being alone, or by myself but it seems to be a lot. I exercise alone, either swimming or walking. I only have a few close friends that I don't get to see a lot as life seems to get in the way. We are all at different points in our lives They are either married and having children, or getting married while I remain single.

They also don't have a major weight problem like I have so I don't really know how much they would relate to it. Especially when it is such a big part of my life. I have a very small family, and I sometimes feel the panic when I think of losing one of them, not only because I love them and would miss them, but just how much smaller my family would become.

Now some of this is my own fault. I am shy, and self conscious about my weight, and well self esteem and I have never been on good terms. I am sure some people would never guess I am shy but I just put on a brave front in that regard. Acting. I am not involved in any activities where I could get to know more people, and I work long hours and am a homebody when I am home. I am also the independent type, even when I have a task to do at work I usually try to figure out a way to perform it myself before asking for assistance. I've never really made friends easily. (ha I guess that could just be my personality.)

So yes I am alone a lot of the time, but I am also alone on this weight loss journey. My family is overweight from moderate to markedly. But right now I am the only one seriously doing something about it. So it is up to me to "get er done" of course it has always had to been me, no one else can do this for me.

I do belong to a weight loss support group, but once again the person closest to my age in the group is my mother. All of the ladies are older, different activity levels, different abilities, different weight categories. I think that is one of the reasons I like reading blogs so much, not just for inspiration but I can find someone who is in a similar situation to mine, who have experienced what it is like to live your life at 379 lbs and try to change that.

So this is my journey, my road and I am the only one on it. However there is a similar road with a similar traveler in the next county. I guess I am not totally alone.