on my own time

I've never been one to follow standard timelines easily. I feel like I am always either ahead or behind everyone else. I was a week late, I always (still do) oversleep, It took me forever to learn to tie my shoes, It took me five years to get my full drivers license, I took three years off between high school and college, ( sound like a real sharp tack, don't I?) on the other hand I learned to walk before crawling, read at an early age, did my own laundry by the time I was 7. Sometimes I get caught up with comparing my self with other peoples milestones, most of my friends of similar ages are getting married, buying houses and having babies all of which does not appear to be in my immediate future.

While I was thinking about all this I suddenly realized that I always thought of those big three milestones being associated with being thin. One day when I get thin I will be attractive and find the man of my dreams, then we will get married and have kids and my life will be perfect. So I have been waiting all this time to live my life when I get thin. Well that hasn't happened yet, and sure I am working towards being a healthy weight (thin is not really what I am aiming for) but my life will not be perfect, no ones life is. I could have these things even if I stayed the same weight I am today.

The main idea here is to stop comparing my progress in life and in weight loss with others. Well I find great inspiration in reading others weight loss journeys I need to stop comparing my progress. It is my life and I will live it on my own timeline, and it is my weight loss journey and I will lose weight when I lose it. And I may not be ready for the whole love, marriage, kids yet , I figure when I am ready for these things to happen, they will happen, on my own time. It doesn't mean that I am less successful, or am somehow less of a person. And that is what I need to realize, and I am starting to do that, finally. I will be much happier for it.

60 lbs down Pics

372 lbs Feb 2009 319 lbs May 2011
(Highest weight 379 May 2010) 60 lbs gone

Down to 319..... 60 lbs down

I lost 4 lbs this week finally I feel like I am getting back on track. I hit the 319 mark a few weeks ago but gained the next week, so I didn't really feel that I had hit the 60 lbs down mark. But right now I can't wait to lose the next 20 lbs and be 299. 19 measly little pounds stand between me and the 200's, I just have to get my head in the game, and keep on track.

The cold from HE double hockey sticks.....

Thats how us Canucks spell hell. Just a little FYI.

I have been laid up with a cold for 14 days now, it has thrown every symptom at me, exhaustion, sinus, headache, ear ache, and the loudest hacking cough you have ever heard. I am surprised I have not had complaints from my neighbors. My co-workers sure are sick of me, they have started calling me typhoid Mary, despite the fact that I am the only one that is sick. Anyways because of the fact I can't speak a full sentence without breaking into a fit of coughing, and the fact I spend every spare minute I can trying to rest, the gym has been a no go. But thanks to intermittent nausea and lack of appetite, I am now down to 321.

I also had my Birthday. I am now 29 years young, and unlike most people coming close to their thirties, I am actually looking forward to it. I feel like I am finally getting my life together. I am slowly getting out of debt and building a financial future, and I feel like I am getting a handle on my obesity and that I am doing something about it. Now I had wanted to be under 300 by my b-day but that didn't happen. So I am continuing to strive towards it, but with no set time limit. It will happen when it happens. No undo pressure , no feelings of failure. I am looking at the last year of my twenties as a year to achieve a lot, to focus on myself and lay the groundwork for my next 30 years. I can't wait to get started once I get rid of this damn cold!

Goals I am most excited about reaching

• Under 300 - I haven't been under this weight for at least 7 years maybe more.

• Under 280- This is the weight before I will allow myself to get on a horse. I once read in a magazine when I was a kid that this was a maximum weight a rider should be and that figure stuck in my head. I don't know if that is true. But I feel like if I weigh more then that I am asking too much of the horse. In reality I will probably wait till I am around 250. Otherwise I would just feel bad for the horse.

• Fitting in 2 X - Most clothing manufactures do go up to 2 x, and all the really cute scrubs sets only go up to 2X.
• Purchasing clothes in a normal store, I have never purchased anything that wasn't in the "above average section" or a specialty plus size store.
  

• Being able to do a yoga position normally without the belly getting in the way.

• Being able to run for greater then 5 seconds

• Stop being embarrassed about being seen exercising in public

• When I can get up easily from the floor.

• Easily passing through a turn style you know those ones you go through to get into a store or onto the subway platform.

One pound at a time

This is a pretty common theme among other Weight loss bloggers and websites. I googled the topic and got a lot of hits. My weekly goal for weight loss is 2 lbs a week, but mentally I am just working on one pound at a time. 199 lbs *or more* is a huge number but one pound is do-able. Of course I have to do that one pound, 199 times, but I think I can put that thought away and stick in on a shelf somewhere for now.

Now that I have had some success and am reaching milestones I find myself looking ahead past the next pound to the next 100, and I have to put the breaks on that! I know myself. I will get all excited and start calculating how many weeks before I reach goal, and chart what weight I should lose each week, and when I start to slip and am not meeting these numbers I will start to get discouraged. I have totally done this before. So now that I have lost 47 lbs my brain is trying to whip ahead and say "hey that wasn't so hard, in a few more months you can be to goal" I found myself doing that tonight, trying to figure out when I will be under 300 lbs. But you just can't plan for that! Life happens and then Ice cream happens. I am forcing myself to live in the now, and only looking to get rid of that next pound. I just can't handle more.