Current weight

Here is the funny thing, I went to weigh myself and couldn't find my scale. Talk about self sabotage! Or it will teach me to stop reorganizing every time I clean. Anyways I finally found it and got weighed.

I weighed 371.5 lbs. So I didn't backslide all the way to pre Christmas.

I'm Back

I have to say I tried to stay strong in December, but my resolve to stay away from the excess calories weakened by December 15th. I had all the regular stresses that occur in December mostly related to Christmas; family gatherings, lack of time, shopping etc. The worst had to have been all the sweets at my workplace, I work in a industry where you get a lot of Christmas cheer from clients. I mean our kitchen/office counters were just COVERED with every sweet you could imagine. I have a picture somewhere, but I would almost rather not be reminded about it all. After all that indulging I lost all the ground I had made in November. How easily it comes back on. But seriously what was I thinking starting a diet in November?? It is only the worst possible time of year for me.

So you ask why didn't I just shake off the holidays and jump back in the saddle on January 1st? Well number one is I don't make New Years Resolutions. They just make you feel worse when you can't live up to them. Number Two, I just don't darn well do anything until I am good and ready. And I wasn't ready yet. I inherited a lot of stubborn genes right along with those obesity ones.

The good news, I am ready now. No more dilly dalling it is time to get to work. So what, that I've had more then a few false starts?? It is a good time for me to start the journey all over again. I only have one event in feburary that will be a challenge to my will power, and then I am clear till April, and all those events I am fairly confident I can control the menu. Then there are no major holidays until thanksgiving in October and by then I will have made some head way and hopefully developed so good habits to assist me.

Also I wanted to say thanks for the comments on the last entry, I guess I am glad I was missed. I did at one point think about just deleting this blog, but I thought to myself, it is all part of my story, my journey, it would be dishonest to delete it.

obesity documentries

I have to say, often I am unable to watch those obesity documentaries all the way through. I can only watch them in spurts until something either in the editing, or the camera shots, or in the narrations bothers me to the point where I have to change the channel. This is probably because I see too much of my situation in these documentaries.

There was quite a few of these shows on TLC recently, for example "Living Large" and "I eat 33, 000 calories a day" these shows are toting themselves as trying to show how difficult it is to live as an obese person, that they are just like every one else, that obesity is a disease, not a weakness etc. I agree that their intentions are good, however I don't believe the message requires 10 minutes of up close footage of a super morbidly obese man chewing large quantities of food, or distance shots of the ass and thighs of a morbidly obese women who carries most of her weight in her lower body. Also the shots of them without a shirt on or only a towel covering their private parts are totally unnecessary and dehumanizing, as well as disrespectful. I mean obviously these people signed releases but it equates to the same thing as going to the circus to see the fat lady at the sideshow. Oh does this help or lot in society. It certainly doesn't improve my feelings of self esteem and worth, and it certainly doesn't change how others in society treat or view me.

They also like to mention how very unlikely it is that anyone featured on that particular show or any obese person will lose a substantial amount of weight and keep it off. I mean if they really want to help people stop telling them how they are never going to accomplish anything and actually encourage them. Sure it is rare, but their are successes, no matter how that is accomplished, either by surgery or not.

So there are my pet peeves regarding these documentaries, sure I know the producers have to include these things in the show, its sensationalism, no one would watch without a little sensationalism or hint of something taboo, its the same as why you can't take your eyes away from a car wreck. Okay that last comparison may have been a bit extreme.

November 2008 recap

Well I started the month out at 375.1 lbs, and ended it at 365.5 lbs, so if we ignore the decimal points, I basically lost 10 lbs, or 2 lbs a week, which is my ideal goal. If I do that I can be at my goal weight in 16 months (I hope). But things happen so it is an idea of where I wan't to be a goal line so to speak.

Current weight

Well it was a hard week, I just wasn't eating as well as I should have been, and overeating a bit, I just felt really really hungry, wanted to snack constantly etc. I stayed the same weight wise, at least I didn't gain. Of course I weighed in before my Saturday night staff party, talk about totally overeating, I actually ate a piece of KFC, my arteries are crying out in shame, I did show some restraint, believe me I could have eaten a lot more! But I am not beating myself up for it, I can't eat perfectly all the time. Well it is a new week, and time to get my act together.

Needs

Well I thought I would list the reasons why I NEED to lose weight.

1. My health

yeah this a pretty big reason, should be the top reason, that's why it gets to be #1. Without your health where would you be. Then there is the family history of diabetes that at my current weight is almost a certainty and arthritis, those poor joints just can't hold up to the forces that my weight puts on them.

2. Energy

I am tired of being tired. It is just way too tiring to lug around this weight, I just want to sleep, but no matter how long I sleep, I never get the energy I want.

3. Living Life

I want to get out and do so much more! More then I can do now. There is so much more to do out there beyond the couch!

4. Happiness

I know that I have more problems then just my weight, and those certainly won't go away with the pounds. But It is such a big issue in my life, I would like it to be something less emotionally draining.

5. Access

lets just say I would like to be able to walk through a shopping turnstyle without becoming a contortionist.

Current weight

Hey its that time of the week again, have an exhausting day at work, head home, pick up dog, eat dinner, sit on couch, get weighed, write blog posr. It seems funny but I think getting weighed at the end of the day works for me, that way if I gain weight I won't be brooding about it all day.

Anyways that is not the case this week, it's not much but I lost 1 pound. At least it is down trend, I really need to start adding some exercise to things but currently I have too many excuses to name. Also I lapsed on the calorie recording, but I am back to it first thing. Also I picked up some ice cream that was on sale this week, its some of that fat free stuff which is absolutely horrible for you, tons of chemicals, but it was on Sale, seriously it is never that cheap, its not like I have eaten the whole container, I am proud to say I haven't even eaten a third of it yet.

Current weight: 365.5 lbs.