Weigh in - take that scale!

Down 3.4 lbs,

I am 0.6 lbs away from losing 40 lbs.

I would have loved to round the number down, to be able to label this post 40 lbs gone, but I haven't earned it, yet.

I did however say goodbye to the 340's, good riddance to bad rubbish.

The buffet, wasn't so bad, I didn't eat as much as I did in the old days, however I still ate too much. I only just went over my daily caloric intake today so overall not so bad.

Thank God it`s Tuesday

I worked this Saturday (an especially crappy work day to, boy when it gets bad, it gets horrid!) So I missed swimming and Sunday I was basically recovering from Saturday even though my dog and I went for a hour long walk. Monday was especially hectic not only at work but after having to perform my civic duty and rush to the voting station to put my ballot in for the municipal election. So I hadn`t been in the pool since last Thursday. I have to say that it was the best 45 mins I have had all week. My hip was bothering me all day at work, lower back too, but as soon as I slipped into the water that pain eased up. I did my laps with no problem. It felt really good to be weightless, and to just concentrate on swimming. I was almost sad to get out of the water, and unfortunately the hip pain returned. I may have to finally suck it up and go to the Doctors and get it checked out, but I think as I lose weight it will improve. It could just be a pinched nerve.

Tomorrow, I enter where no weight loss blogger should go.....the buffet. It`s mums B-day and that is where she has chosen to go instead of us cooking a big dinner mid week. I am not going to deny myself anything, but I am not going to stuff myself either. I will have a bit of this and that, and enjoy it. I no longer want to associate food with feelings of guilt. I chose to eat it, I will not feel bad about it.

Tomorrow is also weigh in day.....Hoping for a two pound loss, I think i have worked it off.

Butternut squash soup

I am trying to cook more, as well as learn some new recipes. Tonight I made butternut squash soup. I love squash and am looking for more ways to incorporate it more in to my diet.

anyways I took
1 butternut squash
1 onion
2 apples
1 box of Campbell's vegetable stock
garlic
a pinch of nutmeg

threw it in a pot and simmered it for roughly 45 min till the squash was soft and then blended it to a smooth consistency (got to put my new immersion blender to use).

only 44 cals a serving 1/2 cup

very filling, and it was pretty yummy. I now have lots to freeze for a quick meal option.

I walk a lonely road

Sometimes I feel very lonely. I don't mind being alone, or by myself but it seems to be a lot. I exercise alone, either swimming or walking. I only have a few close friends that I don't get to see a lot as life seems to get in the way. We are all at different points in our lives They are either married and having children, or getting married while I remain single.

They also don't have a major weight problem like I have so I don't really know how much they would relate to it. Especially when it is such a big part of my life. I have a very small family, and I sometimes feel the panic when I think of losing one of them, not only because I love them and would miss them, but just how much smaller my family would become.

Now some of this is my own fault. I am shy, and self conscious about my weight, and well self esteem and I have never been on good terms. I am sure some people would never guess I am shy but I just put on a brave front in that regard. Acting. I am not involved in any activities where I could get to know more people, and I work long hours and am a homebody when I am home. I am also the independent type, even when I have a task to do at work I usually try to figure out a way to perform it myself before asking for assistance. I've never really made friends easily. (ha I guess that could just be my personality.)

So yes I am alone a lot of the time, but I am also alone on this weight loss journey. My family is overweight from moderate to markedly. But right now I am the only one seriously doing something about it. So it is up to me to "get er done" of course it has always had to been me, no one else can do this for me.

I do belong to a weight loss support group, but once again the person closest to my age in the group is my mother. All of the ladies are older, different activity levels, different abilities, different weight categories. I think that is one of the reasons I like reading blogs so much, not just for inspiration but I can find someone who is in a similar situation to mine, who have experienced what it is like to live your life at 379 lbs and try to change that.

So this is my journey, my road and I am the only one on it. However there is a similar road with a similar traveler in the next county. I guess I am not totally alone.

My New swimsuit

Well I received my new swimsuits a few weeks ago, and of course the minute I got them I had to try them on! I got a black one in a size 26 (the biggest they sold) and a flower print one in a size 24 because apparently I was feeling very optimistic. Well anyways the flower print (besides being dead ugly in person) doesn't fit so it has been regulated to the bottom drawer for awhile until it does.

The black is a one piece with a key hole back and a very high neck. It is a crinkle fabric and it is very sturdy construction, it has been great to swim in since it feels like all my jiggly bits especially the Buddha belly is being held in. I also like that when I swim I am not worried about my straps riding down and exposing anything. There isn't any skirt or anything so my legs show, but hey a skirt when swimming is just a big drag anyways.

yesterday in the showers, I could see a fuzzy reflection of myself and realized I look like a giant black pear with legs. So much for the days of the cute blue whale.

Weigh in

Down 1 lb. Total of 36 lbs down.

I am feeling pretty good these days. Really enjoying the outdoors while I still can before the weather turns sour, and hitting the pool regularly. My clothes are fitting looser now but not too bad yet.

I had my first comment. The lady at the desk of the rec center saw me come in on Saturday and she said "ahh you've lost weight!" I just said thank you. I think she remembers me cause her first day working there was the day I came in and bought my yearly pass. I don't really see any difference yet when I look at myself in the mirror, 36 lbs is just a start when you need to lose 199 (wow, my god 199 lbs #%&*).

movie popcorn

I should have said no, but I didn't.
I should have stopped after a few handfuls, but I didn't.
I should feel bad, but I don't.


So yes I consumed a lot of calories and fat, but in the end didn't go over my daily budget, what I am really concerned about was all that sodium. I am probably going to wake up tomorrow all swollen on my weigh in day and then I will probably be cursing the indulgence when I step on the scale. Hey I guess if you do the crime, you gotta do the time.

Man am I thirsty right now.